Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
