I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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