i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm way too hungover for life right now
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
