Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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