2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
