today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize