i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
