then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize