Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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