Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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