He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
