It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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