Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize