That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
