I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
