checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
