bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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