You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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