I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
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