On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
