i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
