ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
