Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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