I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
