'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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