I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
