i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
