Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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