Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
