And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
