Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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