Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
