now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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