I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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