just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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