I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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