peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
