This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
