god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
