The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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