i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
