so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
