you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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