areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize