the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
