The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
