I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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