I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
