Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
