the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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