cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
