My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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