A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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