Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
