Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
