Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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