oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
