She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
