forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
