one might say we're banned from that church
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
