I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
