My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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