party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
