just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
it's not cheating when I paid for it
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
