um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
