That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
