So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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