shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
