Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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