Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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