Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
