I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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