I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
