i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
