so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
