We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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