Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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