my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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