i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
