Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
