We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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