Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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