Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
