Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
