I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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