hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
