i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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