It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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