Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
