I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
