He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
