I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
