wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
