We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
