The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
