Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
