AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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