is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
