I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
