I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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