You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Drunk is a universal language darling
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
