Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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