I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
