and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
