If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
