You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Cover your peen. We're going out.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
