Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize